Joyce Farrar

Thoughts of Heaven

He’s been calling me for a while now. I didn’t think there would be a choice. I didn’t know I’d be able to stay for a while. Just to see they were all right. That they really could get on without me. I haven’t met him yet. I suppose I’m a bit scared. Maybe he’s not a person at all. Maybe he’s an alien and they’ve all got it wrong. Just someone from another planet, another world more advanced than ours. The thing is, if he is more advanced what would he want with me, and all the millions of people who have gone before me? And what about the animals? Is there really room for all those souls behind the white light.

I’d always thought that there was nothing else. When you died the life force flickered and went out and the human remains crumbled into dust. Obviously I was wrong. I suppose it’s good of him to give me this time. At first I was angry with him. I’d prayed so hard to be with them as long as they needed me. Well perhaps I was being conceited; perhaps they haven’t needed me for a long time. Perhaps it was I who needed them. I wonder if this is why you have this time before you walk into the light. Time to reflect, to get things into perspective before you say ‘Goodbye’ for the last time. I can be amongst them, but they can’t see me, talk to them but they can’t hear me. And is it for the last time? Will we all be together again? The vicar believes that each of us will have our own personal heaven. Like a big box into which you can put all the people you love, all the places in which you’ve been happy and that everything and everybody you’ve disliked won’t be allowed in. And I have loved them, with every fibre of my being, and I love them still. It’s so hard to leave them. I don’t want them to be sad, don’t want them to cry but it shows they love me and for that I’m glad. They’ll be first in the box.

In some ways I’ve enjoyed it. It’s been fun to soar weightless over countryside and sea. To visit lands I’d only dreamed of. To pass through walls and doors and to have hearts and minds opened to me. I’ve seen all the marvellous things money can buy, the wonderful buildings, priceless paintings, precious stones, the trappings of fame and fortune. And I look back over my simple life and realise how lucky I’ve been to love and have been loved for that is what truly matters.

He’s come for me and I have to go now. He looks nice, but not what I’d expected. No long white beard or flowing robes. In fact a tee shirt, tracky bottoms and trainers. Well! fancy that. He’s young too, and good looking. He smiles and holds out his hand and I gladly take it. The fears and sadness drift away. We walk together into the light and I feel at peace and completely happy as he hands me the key to my box.