REPORT INTO THE DNA ACTIVITIES UPON INVERSION

MOBILE BAY— A leaked DNA report into their activities upon Inversion has been handed in to this office. According to the results of an intensive two-year study, Krell living below the poverty line are "pretty much f***ed," Center for Social and Economic Research executive director M’Ran announced Monday.

"Although poor people have never had it particularly sweet, the Naplian presence has long been touted as turning it into the land of opportunity, where upward class mobility is hard work's reward," M’Ran said. "However, our study shows that limited access to quality education and a shortage of employment opportunities in depressed areas all but ensure that, once fucked, an individual tends to stay fucked." Lack of Naplian help to actually doing anything was another factor cited in the documents.

According to Imperial Census Bureau statistics, 3.6 million Krell were living below the poverty line in 202. Since the Naplian ‘aid’ began to flood into Storm, this number has almost doubled.

"Not only are the down-and-out fucked, but the number of down-and-out fucks is growing," M’Ran said. "Conditions of disadvantage are often passed from one generation to the next, making it especially difficult for young people to emerge from the cycle of poverty."

"Man, my heart goes out to those poor fuckers," M’Ran added.

Inversion’s increasingly rigid class system worsens the situation for the poor “the Naplian’s are fine using us as some glorified slave labour, and even as a political ping-pong ball, but True One help us if we want something to call our own!” an anonymous tribal leader stated.

"After analyzing the economic performance of Krell households over the past several decades, we concluded that class mobility, while steady in the '70s and '80s, declined in the '90s," M’Ran said. "About 40 percent of families ended the decade in the same economic strata in which they began it. That's up from about 35 percent in the '80s. That's good news for those sittin' pretty, but it spells 'fuck you' to the poor."

As a result, M’Ran said, there are more poor people, and those poor people are much more screwed than poor people were a decade or two ago.

"As the split between the upper and lower classes grows, and the middle class continues to shrink, we're moving closer and closer to what can only be called a 'no way out, dude. Sorry, you're fucked'-type situation," M’Ran said. "Not only are the poor fucked at the moment, but any chance they once had of changing their miserable lives is pretty much gone, too. Essentially, they're fucked for all time. God bless the DNA!"

The CSER study identified four major poverty groups within the Krell.  The first two groups—one composed of disenfranchised blue-collar workers, the other made up of members of poor rural populations—have been adversely affected by the nation's gradual shift to a technology-based, global economy. Researchers have dubbed disenfranchised blue-collar workers the Starbase Fucked, while members of poor rural populations are called the Wastelands Fucked. M’Ran characterized the individuals in these two groups as "fucked from the get-go."

The other two rapidly expanding groups of poor fucks are the suburban poor, whose members can't afford the rising cost of such basic necessities as healthcare, and the urban underclass, whose members are found in the world’s troubled outposts. Researchers termed these groups the Recently Fucked and the Utterly Fucked, respectively.

Economist Harold Richgit said there's little reason for sympathy.

"In a healthy capitalist economy, some people are going to be out-competed," Richgit said. "I'm sorry, but some of those fuck-ups have fucked themselves. I am not condoning an anarchic 'fuck or be fucked' ethos, but I can hardly get behind a welfare state that punishes the unfucked by fucking all equally."

While he expressed concern for the world's poor, Commander-in-Chief Mad Max said increased funding for social programs isn't the answer, but had little else to say on the matter.

"Nobody's saying poor people aren't fucked," Max said. "But what about all the people in this galaxy who are not fucked? If the financial resources of the economically stable are diverted—through some well-intentioned but fiscally irresponsible social-service program—to the people who are fucked, where does that leave those who were sailin' along fine? Fucked."

Durgar the Marauder, an under-employed, Pointy Stik-area machinist who made 8 stellars last year, said he was not surprised by the report.

"They say I'm fucked?" Durgar said "Shit, man, tell me something I don't know."

(OOC: Couldnt resist <g>. Sorry for always picking on the DNA, apologies for the language... and thanks to the people at http://www.the-onion.com for allowing me to take use their material for my own political gains :) ))