Challenging Behaviour One of the more common problems faced by carers of someone with dementia is the unsual behaviour they might show. This behaviour can be relatively mild, like the same question repeated several time, through confusing behaviours like waking you up in the middle of the night to agressive behaviour which can be stressful and frightening. It helps to undersand the reasons why someone acts the way they do.

• Put yourself in their shoes. Dementia must be a frightening experience. You're not sure where you are - you may not recognise your own family - you may even believe that have money in your purse which has now "disappeared". You can't remember when you last saw your wife, or where she has got to - it could be hours since you last saw her (even though in reality it has been only seconds). You need to use the toilet but you can't remember where it is. You are bored and prevented from getting involved in housework and can't read books like you used to. All these situations could cause any of us to react in a way that others might think is strange, aggressive or an over-reaction. Understanding and acknowledging someone's concerns can help calm them and make them realise that you are there for them.
• Try to stay calm and gentle. It may sometimes seem as if the person with dementia is deliberately trying to antagonise you, or "wind you up". This isn't the case - the person with dementia really doesn't know that they only phoned you two minutes. They really believe that it was someone else who pushed food down the side of the sofa. Despite the fact that you've told them a hundred times, they really think that their neighbour is stealing things. Shouting at them will only make them feel threatened, and they will want to stand their ground and shout back becuase they believe they are right. If you feel yourself getting angry and you are able to safely walk away, leave the room for a few minutes - when you return, it is more than likely they will have forgotten what happened.
• Distract if you can. If the person you care for sometimes behaves in a way likely to embarrass or threaten others, you can sometimes distract them and move them on to something else. You may need to explain to other people that the person has dementia and that they can behave strangely as a result. Sometimes a pet, hobby or a toy can keep people from pacing up and down or following you around the house.
• Make time for yourself. You might feel guilty taking the phone off the hook, but it's ringing all night long, you need that time to relax and recover. You might be eligible for a few hours a week of respite care - social services could arrange a carer to give you a chance to get out, visit friends, do some shopping. You can speak to your Social Worker, or call us at the branch to help arrange some respite time.
• Get help when you need it. Even having someone to talk to on the phone can help. The Alzheimer's society operates several carer's Support Groups in Liverpool in which you can meet other carers like yourself, share problems and solutions or just gerally sympathise. If the person you care for is keeping you awake at night, or is shouting or aggressive, speak to your GP. Shouting could be due to pain that they can't tell you about.