A bit of humour involving Accountants
(for your amusement only ~ hopefully!)
Q. What's the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
A. Jail!
Q. What's the definition of an accountant?
A. Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.
Q. What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
A. Someone who has a loophole named after him.
Q. What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room.
A. Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
Q. How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
A. Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map, the wrong way!
Q. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
A. Depreciation.
There are just three types of accountants: those who can count and those who can't.
Three candidates are short listed for the accountant's job. They're all equally excellent, experienced and personable, etc so the chairman asks each the simple question "what is two and two?" The first replies " Four" The second replies " Statistically anything between 3.999 and 4.0111" The third replies " Well what do you want it to be ?"
A fellow has been learning to be a balloonist and takes his first solo flight. Unfortunately the wind gets up, he’s blown off course and is forced to land. He’s in a paddock close to a road, but has no idea where he is. He sees a car coming along the road and hails it. The driver gets out and the balloonist says, "Can you please tell me where I am?" "Yes, of course", says the driver. "You’ve just landed in your balloon and with this wind, you’ve obviously been blown off course. You’re in the top paddock on John Dawson's farm, 13.5 miles from Little Santon. John will be ploughing the paddock next week and sowing wheat. There’s a bull in the paddock; it’s behind you and about to attack you!"
At that moment, the bull reaches the balloonist and tosses him over the fence. Luckily he’s unhurt. He gets up, dusts himself off and says to the driver, "I see you're an accountant". "Good Grief", says the other man, "You're right. How did you know that?" "I employ accountants", says the balloonist. "The information you gave me was detailed, precise and accurate. Most of it was useless and it arrived far too late to be of any help!"
Some Clever Anagrams!
Dormitory = Dirty Room Presbyterian = Best In Prayer
Astronomer = Moon Starer Desperation = A Rope Ends It
The Eyes = They See George Bush = He Bugs Gore
The Morse Code = Here Come Dots Slot Machines = Cash Lost In Me
Election Results = Lies, Let's Recount Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's
A Decimal Point = I'm A Dot In Place The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake
Eleven Plus Two = Twelve Plus One Mother-In-Law = Woman Hitler
Langdale Valley with Langdale Pikes in the distance.
The Lake District, Cumbria
(One of my favourite places!)