Misperceptions and realities
“Oh, but some women deserve it, don’t they?”
There are many popular myths and prejudices about domestic abuse. Not only do these myths lead to many women feeling unable to seek, or feel unworthy of seeking help, but they can cause unnecessary suffering. Women may come to believe the myths in an attempt to justify, minimise or deny the violence they are experiencing. Acknowledging the myths can be an important part of coming to terms with what is really happening to her. (Women’s Aid)
Domestic violence doesn’t happen to many women.
One woman in four experiences domestic violence at some stage in her life
and it is estimated that between one in eight and one in ten has experienced
domestic violence in the past year. (Council of Europe, 2002)
Domestic violence isn’t serious, we all have arguments.
Domestic violence is behaviour which degrades, violates or injures an
individual. It can range from continual criticism to murder. Homicide
Statistics from the 2002 British Crime Survey stated that 2.2 women are killed every week by their
current or former partners.
Domestic violence is a private matter and it should be left to the
couple to sort it out.
Domestic violence is a crime and the British Crime Survey 2002 stated
that domestic violence accounts for one quarter of all violent crime.
Domestic violence is only a working class problem.
Domestic violence can affect anyone. It happens in urban and rural communities,
in high-rise estates and middle class suburbs, in white and in ethnic
minority families. A woman experiencing domestic violence may be your
sister, daughter, mother, friend, colleague, neighbour or any woman you
know.
Women are more likely to be attacked by a stranger than by their partner.
Domestic violence is more common than violence in the street, pub or workplace.
Every minute in the UK, the police receives a call from the
public for assistance for domestic violence. This leads to
police receiving an estimated 1,300 calls every day or over 570,000
each year. (Stanko, 2000)
Violence is normally a one-off event and shouldn’t be worried
about.
Violence against a partner is rarely an isolated incident. It usually
forms part of a pattern of increasing abuse. Over one quarter of all injuries
to women suffering abuse occur more than five times a year.
Assault or abuse is more acceptable towards your partner than it is
towards a stranger.
A man has no more right to use violence against his partner than anyone
else. Domestic violence is a crime and should not be tolerated or condoned.
Some women enjoy the violence. If they didn’t they’d leave
the relationship.
Fear, economic dependency, lack of alternative housing and concerns about
disrupting their children’s lives are some of the factors which prevent
women from leaving an abusive relationship.
Some women ask for it/deserve it/provoke it.
No one "deserves" being beaten or emotionally tortured, least
of all by someone who says they love you. Often prolonged exposure to
violence has the effect of making the woman believe that she deserves
to be hurt. It distorts your confidence and some women may start to rationalise
their partner's behaviour. Often the only provocation has been that she
has simply asked for money for food, or not had a meal ready on time,
or been on the telephone too long. (Women’s Aid)
Women have a duty to stay if they have children.
Children suffer emotionally and physically from a violent relationship.
Many women leave a violent relationship to protect their children rather
than themselves. Research has shown that the emotional and physical health
of children improves when they are removed from violence.
Women physically abuse men just as much as men abuse women.
A 2002 report on research conducted with male respondents to the Scottish
Crime Survey 2000 found that men were less likely to have been repeat
victims of domestic violence assault, less likely to be injured
and less likely to report feeling fearful in their own homes. The
survey retraced men who were counted as victims in the Scottish
Crime Survey and found that the majority of men who said that they
were victims of domestic violence, were also perpertrators of violence
(13 of 22). A significant number of the men re-interviewed (13 out
of 46) later said they had actually never experienced any form of
domestic abuse. (Scottish Executive Central Research Unit, 2002)
The abuse can’t be that bad because women often go back.
There are many reasons why women return to violent relationships, ranging
from love to terror. Some women believe their partners will change, others
can’t get enough help or find anywhere to live. Some go back because
the children are missing their dad. None of them return because they enjoy
the abuse. On average a woman will return home seven times before finally
leaving all together.
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