The Sarah Woods Dating Agency

Fed up of not having anyone to dance with at cellar discos? Tired of standing around on street corners waiting to be molested? Sick of tripping over snogging couples in the Serpent Bar? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you need the Sarah Woods Computer Dating Service.

To get involved, simply fill in a postcard with your name, address, interests and description of your idea of your perfect partner (note1). Sarah will then find your ideal partner from the thousands already on her lists using the very latest in computer technology: a Nickson/Smørgbird triple repeating digital relationship calculator with extra attraction modulator and twin floppy compatibility drives (note2).

In order to avoid certain legal problems, the Manchester University Folk Dance Society is used as a cover. Meetings are held every Wednesday afternoon in the Solem Bar. It should be noticed that MUFDS is only a cover and no one will be forced to dance if they attend. The only dances performed are ritual courtship, marriage and mating dances (note3).

When a match has been found, you will be contacted confidentially via the MUFDS notice board, then left to arrange a meeting (note4).

You will also receive our monthly newsletter with details of who's:

• looking at (note5)
• going out with (note5)
• sleeping with (note5)
• getting pregnant by (note5)

who. So don't delay, send your form in today, stop work and play and you'll get a good lay.

 1985 B.P.L.W. (notes 6 and 7)

Note 1

Any blonde Swedish nymphomaniacs please apply direct to Bob Archer at 8 Turnbull Road (note8), marking the envelope blonde Swedish nympho.

 

Note 2

That is: a pair of dice stolen from an old Monopoly set

Note 3

The latter are usually practised in private although the society does try to organise at least one public orgy per term.

Note 4

Preferably at 8 Turnbull Road so Sarah can keep an eye on you.

Note 5

Delete whatever not applicable.

Note 6

Bob's Poetry and Literary Works.

Note 7

Further works by this previously unknown literary giant were discovered during an archeological survey of the kitchen at the aforementioned 8 Turnbull Rd. They may be obtained from Rhod on payment of a large fee.

Note 8

Bob no longer lives at this address, and neither do Ian, Judith, Rhod, Carolyn, Elmo, Sarah, Pete, Rich, Rachel or any of the other folkies that used to live there. However, if you care to email any blonde Swedish nympho enquiries to Rhod, he might even pass them on to Bob. Any blonde Swedish nymphomaniacs with their own hot tub will receive very high priority attention by contacting Bob on his special hot line!