Time Up For Old Farts as Baby Faced Vijay Lands The Big One...... Fab Fijian shows he's no mouth and all trousers..... three Eggmenn no better than one.
CHORTLE WINS? YOU'RE
HAVING A LAUGH, AINT YA?
By Liam Lloyd, PA Golf Correspondent
THEY said he didn't have the bottle for the big occasion. They claimed he
was a golfer going nowhere. And, to a man and woman, they were proved
right.
For on the day when V J van der Chortle lived up to all his youthful
promise and captured the only major prize that has now not eluded him, an
old Gibbons great was put out to grass.
It has been whispered in and around the bars of Norfolk for a number of
years. Today, though, it can be shouted from the rooftops: Martyn Johansson
IS a faded former fast fading former champion. Official.
I understand that a five-year exemption scheme, rushed through on the eve
of the 2004 Gibbons by a three-eights majority, will allow Johansson and
fellow veteran N K P Salve to continue to appear, by right, in the green
jacket event until 2009.
From then on, though, both ex-champions will be forced to qualify - unless
they rediscover the winning touch.
Frankly, on the evidence of Gibbons XVII, that looks about as likely
Joachim Eggmann leaving Crown Street, Dottie Brancaster wearing stripey
lawng sawcks or Todd Todd parting company with a handful of clubs on a
previous hole.
No, the Gibbons is now under the control of an exciting new breed - headed
by Chortle but with consistent top six finishers Ken Awl and Chris
Butcher-Stork hard on his heels.
The champion from Fiji was far too gentlemanly to rub salt into gaping
wounds after cleaning up at the awards ceremony. But not even Chortle could
resist a mild dig at his soundly beaten opponents, saying: "I won't be
bothering with belt or braces next year."
It really was that easy for a man who never looked back after quietly
slipping away from the bar shortly after tea-time on Monday evening - a
tactic Johansson failed to rumble until midnight Thursday.
Awl briefly threatened to mount a challenge, but wasn't quite himself this
year. "I'm not sure about that," he said. "Do you really think so?"
Butcher-Stork was going well until his always enthusiastic fan club almost
knocked him from his feet on the third at Royal West Norfolk. Still clearly
dazed by the warmth of their support, "The Hyphen" made a 'Captain
Carruthers' of a relatively simply chip and soon faded from the picture.
Defending Champion Todd Todd found himself held up time and again by
Norfolk's resident dodderers and it wasn't until too late in the action
that he outsprinted them with a 400-yard dash from 11th green to tenth tee
and back again.
Eggmann resorted to his favourite old ploy of being three different people
during the week.
It didn't help him on the golf course - he captured eighth place for the
ninth time in three years - but the ever popular Swede was able to
concentrate on his grandiose refurbishment plans in the heart of the
county. "I've got just the place to put O'Tway when he next visits," said
Eggmann.
As for the week's hard luck story, though, look no further than Dottie
Brancaster.
The glamorous American was once again leading lady (a title made that bit
easier this year by Britney's non-appearance) but her hopes of scooping the
major prize disappeared - in controversial circumstances - at Hunstanton.
Brancaster's par three at the 16th looked routine. She was instantly
disqualified, however, for breaking local rules which stipulate that women
players must complete that hole in no more than 90 seconds, having taken no
fewer than 12 strokes.
Scores on the doors.
Monday am: Awl 45; Chortle 45; Brancaster III 39; Johansson 37: Todd Todd 37; Salve 34; Butcher-Stork 30; Eggmann 18. Mon pm: Chortle 5 (50); Awl 2.5 (47.5); Johansson 5 (42); Brancaster 2.5 (41.5); Todd 0 (37); Salve 2.5 (36.5); Stork 2.5 (32.5); Eggmann 0 (18).
Tues am: Salve 38 (74.5) Chortle
35 (85), Johansson 35 (77),
Brancaster 34 (75.5). Awl 33
(80.5) Stork 30 (62.5),
Le Toffe (as Eggmann) 27
(45), Todd 20 (57). Tues
pm: Chortle 5 (90), Awl
5 (85.5), Salve 5 (79.5),
Johansson 0 (77), Brancaster
0 (75.5). Stork 5 (67.5),
Todd 0 (57), Le Toffe (as Eggmann)
0 (45).
Weds am: Johansson 46 (123), Chortle
35 (125), Stork 34 (101.5),
Eggmann 33 (78),
Todd 32 (89), Awl 32 (117.5),
Brancaster 32 (107.5). Salve
29 (108.5). Weds pm:
Johansson 5 (128), Chortle
0 (125), Awl 0 (117.5),
Salve 5 (113.5), Brancaster
0 (107.5). Stork 5 (106.5),
Todd 5 (94), Eggmann 0 (78).
Thurs am: Chortle 43 (168)
Johansson 36 (164), Cancaddy (as Eggmann)
35 (113), Awl 34
(151.5) Stork 27 (133.5),
Todd 28 (122), Salve 25
(138.5), Brancaster 21
(128.5). Tues pm: Chortle 5 (173)
Johansson 5 (169), Awl
0 (151.5), Salve 5 (143.5),
Stork 0 (133.5), Brancaster
0 (128.5). Todd
5 (127), Cancaddy/Eggmann 0 (113).
Fri: Chortle (+5) = 178, Johansson
(-2) = 167, Salve (-4) =
139.5 Awl (-13) = 138.5
Brancaster (+4) = 132.5. Stork
(-6) = 127.5, Todd (-9) =
118; Eggmann (+3) = 116.
+Result (GB or Ireland unless stated):
V J Van Der Chortle (Fiji)
178;
M
Johansson (Swe) 167;
N K P W W Salve (Ind)
139.5, K Awl (Ken),
138.5; D Brancaster
III (US) 132.5,
*C Butcher-Stork (Aus) 127.5,
T Todd (NZ) 118,
J Eggmann
(Swe) 116.
+Result subject to Van Der Chortle's 'B' sample containing required level
of alcohol.
*Denotes amateur
ALSO PLAYED:: El Loco Dentisto (Spn), D Le Toffe Jnr (Fra), M Cancaddy
(Faroe Is).
end