J. Worley (Funeral Directors) Ltd.

We know that a death can be traumatising to family, friends and colleagues of the deceased. Many people are able to move on with their lives, but some find it difficult to resolve their feelings. Below are some words from our counselling expert, Lydia Beeching. Lydia has been dealing with the bereaved for many years and is undertaking formal qualification training to enable her to help further.

Dealing with Grief - Lydia Judge-Kronis, Dip MS, MRIPH, MAAPT(uk)
When someone you know dies it can be difficult to know what to do, where to go or who to turn to. Depending on your relationship with the person, there can be so much to do with making the funeral arrangements. Alternatively there may be nothing that you can do. If you are not an immediate family member and are not included in the preparation this can be a difficult time. You may experience sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration, disappointment and even relief. All of these emotions are normal and it is important to understand them and not bottle things up or feel guilty. There is no right or wrong way to feel and it is important to remember that everyone’s reaction is unique to them. No matter if you were related or simply friends the bonds you shared with that person were personal to you.

At first it might seem that everyone is there to support you and things may just happen, almost automatically. Once the funeral has taken place and others seem to be coping and getting on with their lives, it is alright to feel different?

Being individual is what makes us who we are and therefore no matter how much preparation there has been, it is impossible to know how you are going to react. You might not feel that you can share your feelings with anyone else as they are all coping with the situation in their own way. An alternative is that you might be watching someone close to you changing their behaviour, perhaps becoming withdrawn or experiencing outbursts. You might feel totally able to manage and that’s ok too.

It might help to speak to someone about how you feel. It might help just to take time out of your normal routine to spend time thinking about what’s happened and what to do next. It can be really difficult to admit that everything is not ok to someone else but you might find that expressing how you feel enables you to look at things in a different way. To speak to someone who is there to listen and understand you might be just what you need.

If you think this might be what you are looking for, perhaps counselling can help. Counselling is a therapeutic service, giving you the time and space to be yourself. A time that enables you to say whatever is on your mind without fear of being judged or upsetting anyone. Counselling is a confidential service for all (age and sex is irrelevant), where all that is important is working through how you feel and what you can do now.

It doesn't matter if your bereavement is recent or happened in the past. If you think you might like to talk to someone there are professional people who can work with you. You may decide to choose a larger organisation or a private counsellor. There are many organisations to choose from and some who work with specifically with children. When choosing which organisation to speak to it is important to ask questions to make sure that you feel this will be of a help to you. If you are choosing someone who has a private practice, it is important to make sure that they are member of the BACP. The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy is the professional body that ensures counsellors practice in your interest maintaining a strict code of ethics.

You can find links to some local and national bereavement services on our links page. Some are telephone help lines and others are local groups, often run by churches, although you do not need to be a parishioner to participate. Click here to be taken to the links page.