SELF-HARM

Self-harm can come in various forms, from minor cutting and scratching right through to amputation or consumption of toxic products. Its duration varies from individual to individual: most self-harmers eventually stop at some point. For some people, it can be as addictive as smoking.  

    My first bout of self-harming occurred at the age of thirteen. I would repetitively bang my head against walls and invite people to punch me in the face. This was a reaction to being bullied and wanting to be liked by people. I didn’t obtain any serious injuries during this phase, but I got a reputation for being a bit sick in the head.  

    My next bout began when I moved to Nottingham. I would slash my arms and legs repetitively, usually when I was drunk. Apart from one incident where I tried to chop my finger off, I didn’t sustain any serious injuries from this phase, either.  

    Predictably, I freaked out my friends and family. Some were angry with me, labelling me as an attention-seeker; others were more compassionate. At the time of writing this, I have not cut myself for nearly four years and have no intention of self-harming again.  

    It is important to realise that self-harming is a separate issue from suicide. I self-harmed because I was angry and screwed up, and needed some sort of safety valve: sometimes, it can be an alternative to killing yourself.

TIPS FOR SELF-HARMERS

1)   Don’t let anyone question your integrity and validity as a person.

2)   If your family or friends get angry, it’s probably because they care about you: don’t push people away.

3)   Admit to yourself that you have a problem.

4)   Try to think of a safe alternative, such as exercise or writing stories, even comfort eating.

5)   If an injury occurs and you need stitches, make sure the doctor uses a local anaesthetic: some cowboy medics neglect this in order to punish self-harmers.

6)   Keep a handy supply of bandages, antiseptic, and swabs; also, read up on first aid for injuries.

7)   Remember, there’s a good chance that you will stop self-harming at some point: at this point, treat yourself.

TIPS FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS OF SELF-HARMERS

1)    Do not belittle, swear at, or bully the self-harmer: it could cause the problem to escalate if s/he feels hated.

2)    If the self-harmer has to go to hospital, offer to accompany him/her, if only to ensure that s/he is treated decently.

3)    Read as much as you can about self-harming: ignorance breeds fear.

4)    Be patient: a self-harmer will quit when s/he is ready.

5)    Let the self-harmer know how you feel, but in a firm, yet compassionate way.

6)    If you cannot control your anger and fear, don’t get emotionally involved: know when to walk away.

EXPLODING THE MYTHS ABOUT SELF-HARM

1)   Self-harmers are indulgent attention-seekers.

BOOM!

Why go through the trauma of physical injury when there are safer, less painful ways of getting attention?

2)   Self-harmers are one step away from suicide.

BOOM!

Most self-harmers cut themselves to relieve suicidal feelings.

3)   Self-harmers are manipulative.

BOOM!

Self-harmers are often confused and scared: approaching them with guns blazing will only make them feel defensive.

4)   Self-harmers are sadistic sociopaths.

BOOM!

The vast majority of self-harmers are a danger to nobody: they would rather hurt themselves than other people.

5)   Self-harmers are a drain on medical resources.

BOOM!

Everybody is entitled to NHS treatment, including smokers, drug users, and alcoholics, who may need long term care: most self-harmers are in and out of hospital within a couple of hours.